Healing the Father Wound Through Conscious Love
A journey through trauma, sacred union, and coming home to self-worth
"Love didn’t save me. It gave me the courage to save myself."
For a long time, I didn’t trust love.
How could I?
My father left when I was just 4 years old.
I have only flashes of memory before he disappeared from my life—a taxi showing up out of nowhere at our remote country cottage, bringing gifts and love and fun, and then… gone. No explanation. No goodbye. Just silence.
I didn’t see him again until I was 17. He was dying of cancer. I got two weeks with him before he passed.
Just 14 days to meet the man whose absence had shaped my entire understanding of men, love, and worth.
Growing up without that consistent, grounding masculine energy left a void. My mother, doing the work of both parents, was my everything. She protected, provided, and nurtured. She had no choice but to embody both roles—and so I never saw what healthy masculine presence looked like.
There was no model for stability. No mirror of safety.
That kind of loss leaves marks. Not always visible—but deeply felt.
It shaped the way I saw men. The way I saw myself.
And for many years, it showed up in ways I couldn’t understand until I began to heal.
This is a story of returning to love. But more importantly—it’s a story of reclaiming wholeness.
I. How Childhood Wounds Shape Our Capacity to Love
When we don’t experience secure love in childhood—especially from the masculine—it can distort how we relate in adulthood.
Have you ever noticed yourself:
Feeling magnetically drawn to emotionally unavailable people?
Shrinking yourself to be accepted, or over-giving to feel worthy?
Mistaking intensity or chaos for “chemistry”?
Becoming anxious the moment things feel safe or still?
Feeling incapable of truly resting, receiving, or letting go of control?
These are often not personality traits.
They are trauma responses from unmet childhood needs.
A girl whose father disappeared—physically or emotionally—often becomes the woman who:
Settles for inconsistency because it feels familiar
Sabotages healthy love because it feels foreign
Chases validation instead of allowing herself to be seen
And for many of us, we live disconnected from the wisdom of our bodies.
Pushing. Proving. Performing.
Over-functioning in our masculine energy because softness feels unsafe.
But there’s another way.
II. Conscious Partnership: A Healing Ground for the Soul
I met Kush 11 years ago, I was in my early 20s.
A man with depth. A man with presence. A man with his own childhood pain.
He, too, brought his wounds. Stories of not-enoughness. Of striving to prove his worth through doing, achieving, holding it all together.
But here’s what made it different:
He was open to healing.
He understood that worthiness is not something you earn—it’s something you remember.
You are worthy simply because you are.
God’s creation. Divine by design.
Together, we chose to unlearn.
To deconstruct the coping mechanisms we called “personality.”
To create a relationship not based on filling each other’s voids—but reflecting each other’s wholeness.
III. Real Healing Requires More Than Talking
The pain we carry from childhood isn’t just stored in the mind.
It lives in the body.
In the tight shoulders. The shallow breath. The clenched jaw. The nervous system on constant high alert.
Healing deep emotional trauma—especially the abandonment wound—requires more than words.
It requires us to rewire and release the trauma from the body.
This is why our journey went beyond therapy. We turned to ancient practices that helped us drop into the wisdom of the body and spirit:
Yoga & Somatic Movement to restore safety in the body
Breathwork to regulate the nervous system and access emotional truth
Herbal Medicine to support healing on a cellular level
Spiritual Practice & Prayer to anchor us in something bigger than pain
Sacred Partnership as a container for real transformation
These tools didn’t just change our relationship—they changed us.
And now, we teach them.
The Open Heart Portal (Free 3-Day Experience)
If any part of this landed in your body—if you’ve felt the ache of emotional disconnection, the fear of being “too much,” or the desire to finally feel safe in love—this is your invitation.
We created the Open Heart Portal as a free 3-day experience to reconnect you with your body, your breath, your truth, and the divine love that has always lived within you.
It’s not just about information.
It’s about embodiment.
It’s about creating space for your nervous system to finally exhale.
And clearing physical, mental and emotional blockages so your body can become the divine portal for love that it was designed to be.
With love,
Irie
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